There is a picture that shows up periodically in my wife’s Facebook feed of my sweet little Lila completely melting down in public. We had found a tiny garter snake on a hike and I’d let my kids each hold it briefly. But it was time to let it go, and Lila wasn’t having it. Her response was probably a culmination of different factors like not enough sleep and not enough food and who knows what else. Whatever the case, the emotions came out in a flood. And every time I see that photo, it reminds me that I too have feelings that big. I’ve just learned, in my “maturity”, to hide them.
I read this quote recently and am amazed at how much it matches what is going on in the world around us.
“Nothing that we despise in other men is inherently absent from ourselves. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don’t do, and more in light of what they suffer.” –Dietrich Bonhoeffer
For instance, I’ve had several conversations recently that are, at face value, completely dissimilar. A friendly encouragement, a gentle rebuke, a request for prayer, a critical review. And as the conversation unfolds, as the layers peel back, what becomes clear in each of them is the underlying feelings of discouragement, fear, and insecurity lurking just beneath the surface. In other words, the issue is not the issue. It never is.
And it doesn’t take long before the deeper emotions begin to spill in. Literally into every interaction I have. Because all of us are struggling right now. All of us, in some way, shape, or form, are suffering.
This reality should do one thing and one thing only to our behavior. It should soften us. It should make us respond with empathy. With compassion. Because the feelings you’re experiencing today, be it anger, or frustration, or worry, or panic, whatever it is, are most likely underlaid with a deeper emotion of grief. And so is that of your neighbor. It is safe to assume. Regardless of their actions, the root cause of their behavior is probably more the result of pain and suffering than something more sinister or selfish.
Assume they are hurting, and respond with empathy. With compassion. Respond with, “me too,” rather than “how dare you!” Even if they are falling apart and behaving badly. Especially when they are.
This is the essence of what has been called the golden rule. This is how Jesus puts it…
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
This generous response is the whole thing. Giving others the automatic benefit of the doubt. And even if you’re wrong, responding with compassion is not just good for them, but for you as well. It guards your heart against suspicion, and cynicism, and judgment.
And compassion is what we long for right now. To feel connected to each other. To be understood. To be reassured that we are indeed known and loved. And while we may not always receive this love, even from those closest to us, we do know one thing. That this is how God responds to us.
“How much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
God loves us like a parent loves their child in the midst of a meltdown. Better than that, He loves us how we wish we loved our children at that moment. To see that scared little heart and reassure it that all will be well. Even when we’re melting down. Especially when we are.